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WARNING! The following blog post may be longer than you intend it to be.




had a thought today. on the bus.

this old man, getting off, was damn pissed coz he thought the card readers at the exit were not working. so what happened was:

1. Old man scans card (which was in this huge hand bag thing) by raising bag to card reader level.

2. Card reader goes, "Tee tee tee tee tee(error) DOO! (scan successful)" You know, like what it sounds like when you dun place it correctly at first then halfway while signalling that theres an error the card suddenly manages to scan? yep. so yeah the old man didnt get the hint, and proceeded to tap the bag at the other card reader, at the other side of the exit. so, yeah no sound la, it says EXIT OK when you try to do that.

3. Old man got pissed. He says, "OOOOOIIIIII!"

4. Old man gets off bus, completely pissed, uttering, "Ta bai bueh sai" or sth to that effect. I couldnt catch the rest of the words, but i definitely heard "bueh sai" in it.



What on earth, am i getting at?

This seemingly common situation, you have probably witnessed before. I dunno about you, but I was, well, sort of worked up by the incident. I wasnt exactly angry at him or what, but I had this feeling I just had to tell him, "Eh uncle, you tap 1st time already scan successful. There is nothing wrong with the card reader. Stop blaming it."

Of course being the civilised and having the typical know-when-to-mind-your-own-business attitude (not that its bad), I didnt say it.

But yeah, I was, to some extent, flared.


Then this thought struck me. Is it likely that this will affect me more than say, what a random girl in our class gets for her A-levels?

I was horrified to find myself answering with a resounding yes. This I will probably remember for like, maybe 5 years. But you can tell me, next year this time, what Shu Hui got for her A levels and it is almost certain I will forget it the next instant.

The A-level results, the all future-determining gauge, of a classmate holds no more significance than witnessing a silly event on the bus?

Meritocracy, has done it.





Anyway, heres a thought I had when i was between 10 and 14. Cant remember the exact date I founded the idea.

Here goes:

Have you ever wondered if all this around you was real?

What do I mean really, is, are you really what you think you are? And is all these that's happening around you and to you, not just a figment of your imagination?

Are you sure you're not the main character in a story played out to you, where everyone except you, know what's really going on?

Is this some test you have to go through, and someone or something is watching you all the time, and all these around you made to make you think you're a "human being", that you're part of a community of what is known as "people", that you're really an insignificant part of the human race?

If all that is true, then, am I typing to the One who has put me through all these?

Or what if, you, the reader, are the main character in this piece of imagination?

I mean, there's no real way to find out if all's happening around you is real. There is no way, absolutely no way. I can tell you, hey, im a real person, and i dunno why im here, just like you, but can I prove it? Even if i can, will the proof only sound logical to you because you have been conditioned to believe it, to avert suspicions that you are not what you are?


If you believe in this whole idea, even a bit of it, then...
Will you really die?
Since death will then be an imagined thing as well... you can do anything now isnt it?

You can try running your 2.4 at the maximum speed your legs can carry you, and when you're tired, to test your hypothesis, just keep running at the max speed.

You can give up your dreams to be a teacher, programmer, whatever. Those are not the jobs to take in an imagined world where you're king. You should now aim to be the richest person in the world. The most worshipped, the king(or queen) of countries, the strongest man (or woman) alive. Even if you fail, it doesnt matter. It's all imagined.



Like, yeah, totally nonsensical idea i know.

But for me to formulate a concept at an age even before my teenage years that I will probably have a chance of believing in (to some extent) when I'm 50, thats amazing.




Riiighht...

my last inspiration, after talking so much cock, would be that, isnt it ironical that the older you get, the scope of your problems get less?

when your young, you wonder about ur existence. when ur maturing, near adulthood, you wonder about your future. and when your old, you worry about how to settle your bills?


I need to start writing a self-help book.


-Frank